May 2, 2024 • Life
When faced with hard choices, I'm often tempted to search for the better option as if it's hiding just beneath the surface. But most of the time, there isn't one. Hard choices are hard not because they're unsolvable puzzles, but because each option carries its own set of values and complexities that defy simple comparison.
When standing before a hard choice, it's easy to fall into the trap of seeing it as a permanent, life-altering event. This type of thinking has had a huge impact on me previously and made me spiral down the "thinking-train" even more. If I think just a bit more, I might avoid making a big mistake.
In reality, however, most choices are not permanent and it's important to keep that in mind when facing a hard choice. If it's only a temporary choice, it doesn't have to be the best choice, does it?
We often box ourselves into thinking there is only option A or B. But what if neither option is the right choice at the moment? Take the example of moving to a new house—if neither option feels quite right, perhaps the best choice is to wait.
Decision-making is not just about choosing between given options, though. Instead, we have the power to actively shape those options and the reasons behind our choice.
Not choosing now doesn't prevent you from making a similar choice in the future.
I have a bit of a gripe with this term because while my gut does many great things, it certainly doesn't have feelings. It took me long to understand what is meant by it but I now think a better term would be emotional feeling.
If you have no rational explanation as to why an option is better or worse than the other, but you have a strong emotional feeling, don't undervalue this signal. Emotions have, after all, made humans as successful as they are today.
If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend you check out Ruth Chang's talk on how to make hard choices. It has highly influenced me in this area. The core takeaway I have from this talk is that I now start to embrace the complexity of hard choices in life and see them as opportunity to steer my life's narrative towards who I truly want to be.
It's extremely freeing to not think of hard choices as confining moments but as rare opportunities that you can use to grow.
Engineer at Tailwind Labs.
Prev: Engineer at Sourcegraph and Meta, curator of This Week in React, React DOM team member, and Team Lead at PSPDFKit.